I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
