Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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