It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
