When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
