does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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