I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
