As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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