Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
