never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
