i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
