i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
ttyl tear gas
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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