tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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