yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Even my vagina gasped.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
