I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
