He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
