dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
