Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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