Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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