So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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