I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
