He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
