i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
