Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
