Please, let me fuck your mom
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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