ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
