I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
