Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
