He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
