i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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