oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
