my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
