I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
