I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
