1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
