well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
