drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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