Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
