my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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