I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
