I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
