why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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