SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
