Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
