I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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