Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
