I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
