I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
