If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
