Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
