Pappa wants mamma naked
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
