glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
