I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
