New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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