You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
