hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
