Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
