How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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