dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
