If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
