I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
