he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
