We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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