You can't special order awesome
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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