I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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