I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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