also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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